WHEN, WHY AND HOW CHRISTIANS USE THE WORD ‘ALLAH’

  CFM - Allah Fact Sheet - 16 May 2013 - FINAL - English by Yuen Woh Voon

Citizens Of God's Two Kingdoms

Citizens of Two Kingdoms: Applying the Reformation Two Kingdoms Theology to the Malaysian context

Election fever is boiling over. You can see it in campaign banners fluttering in the wind. You can hear it in passionate ceramah from aspiring candidates and resounding cheers from their supporters. You can feel it in the SMS’es, Facebook updates and tweets that assail your digital devices. On May 5, Malaysian citizens from all walks of life thronged to polling stations around the country to exercise their much-anticipated duty to vote for their representatives in Parliament and state governments.

In the midst of such unprecedented excitement over the 13^th general election, some Christians have expressed concern when pastors or priests seem to make fun of the government or endorse a particular political party. “Don’t politicize the pulpit”, they say. “Whatever happened to separation of church and state? The body of Christ must always remain united. If leaders take sides in a highly polarized election, how could they bring healing and reconciliation after the dust has settled?”

Other believers take seriously the preacher’s task to speak up and take sides against blatant injustice. “Did Jesus pull punches against the corrupt leaders of His day?” they ask. “Confronting the powers require us to name people or parties for their unjust practices. Sure, the pulpit can be a place to tell people whom to vote for without selling out to partisanship! The church cannot remain neutral.”

Therefore it is timely for us to consider afresh the complex relationship between the Kingdom of God and the kingdoms of this world, and indeed the church and the world.

When Pontius Pilate asked Jesus whether he was the king of the Jews, he replied by saying, ‘My kingdom is not of this world’ (John 18:33, 36). The “kingdom of God” is central to the preaching of Jesus and the storyline of the Scriptures (Matthew 4:17). It has political as well as religious connotations. Religiously, it is the kingdom of God; politically, it is the kingdom of God. The rule of God over the entire world and all who live in it was established when He created all things according to His good purposes. But our sinful rebellion to dethrone God and exert our own autonomy resulted in deep alienation from Him, from each other and from the natural order. When Jesus heralded the coming of the Kingdom, it was good news indeed because, in and through Him, the rule of God became a present reality on earth. His reign was realized through our redemption from sin into a covenant relationship with God, gathering us into a Spirit-gifted community (also known as the church) and would culminate in the renewal of the entire cosmos.

In a real sense, the kingdom has arrived and present in the midst of gathered believers (Matthew 13:16-17, Luke 17:20-21). But the kingdom is also yet to come in its fullness (Matthew 25:34). One day, the King will return to usher in His healing justice so that the kingdoms of this world will become the kingdoms of our Lord (Revelation 11:15). Meanwhile, the reign of God is like a seed – its hidden life grows into maturity and produces good fruit even in the midst of hostile opposition (Matt. 4:26-29; 13:36-42). As followers of Jesus, we live in the already/not yet tension of God’s kingdom within earthly nations of the world. We are citizens of two kingdoms.

But how do we navigate the complexities inherent in our dual citizenships?

Living in God’s Two Kingdoms

During the Reformation, Luther steered a path between two conflicting tendencies: to confuse the two kingdoms and to divorce the two kingdoms. On one hand, Pope Boniface VIII taught that both spiritual and temporal swords are under the control of the Roman Church. The spiritual sword is wielded by the priests while the temporal sword by the hands of kings and soldiers as their subordinates (Unam Sanctum). On the other hand, some radical Anabaptist groups rejected any Christian involvement in society and sought to escape from it by forming separatist communes. For them, Christians should never bear the secular sword. In contrast, the Magisterial Reformers insisted that Christians should be involved in the world. Since every believer is a “priest”, each person has been called to serve God fully in their secular work. But the secular sword should be distinguished from the spiritual means by which the gospel should reach the world.

In the Reformation “two kingdoms” theology, all of creation belongs to God but He rules the world with two different forms of government – the earthly realm in which all people live is governed through law/reason and the spiritual realm in which Christians are ruled by the gospel/special revelation. There are different hands for different work. God uses social and political institutions (“left hand”) to maintain order and peace, to punish wrongdoing and promote the common good in society. He expands the spiritual kingdom through preaching of the Word by the power of the Holy Spirit (“right hand”) to forgive sins and nurture the church for good works. The two reigns of God have mutually dependent but different tasks – the state needs the prayers and intercessions of the church while the church needs the state to maintain social order so that the gospel may preached without hindrance (1 Timothy 2:1-2).

Recent theologians who favor the “two kingdoms” model look upon Christian attempts to ‘redeem society’ or ‘transform the nation’ with deep suspicion. For example, David VanDrunen argues that the normative standards for our cultural activities are, in general, “not distinctively Christian”. We expect the same requirements of honesty, integrity and excellence from both Christian and non-Christian parliamentarians. Car repair and dentistry are general human activities rather than uniquely Christian ones. There is no ‘Christian politics’ any more than there is ‘Christian plumbing’.

VanDrunen recognizes that Scripture tells us crucial things about the big picture of all human disciplines (including public governance) and our motivation for doing them (out of love, faith and obedience to God). But when it comes to the technical details of education, engineering and business, there is plenty of room for liberty so we should not impose unnecessary pressure on others to develop a ‘Christian’ way of carrying out these activities. For example, our faith does not change how algebra is taught. When it comes to public governance, the state should not intervene by trying to change the doctrines and practices of the church for political mileage. Neither should believers in government seek to legislate according to specific Christian beliefs which others do not consider as authoritative, but according to natural law, reason and shared ethics.

Applications in the Malaysian Context  

How then shall we apply these insights from the “two kingdoms” framework to our contemporary context in Malaysia?

Firstly, our recognition of two distinct kingdoms cautions us against triumphalism and unrealistic expectations from our efforts in social transformation. In the heat of a campaign, some believers may be tempted to claim ‘divine inspiration’ that a predicted electoral victory for their favored candidate to be a ‘miracle of God’. Sometimes, warfare language may be employed to claim divine promise of deliverance in the midst of a ‘vast army’ of political opponents. The “two kingdoms” model reminds us that politics is a matter of the temporal, provisional and common kingdom shared by all. It should not be exalted as a means for bringing the redemptive kingdom of God on earth. Everything is politics, but politics is not everything.

Secondly, the “two kingdoms” framework encourages persuasion using natural law, common ethics or reason in our public discourse. This is possible since God’s moral law is universally written in the hearts and conscience of humanity. We should not be surprised to find non-believers displaying courage, integrity and compassion greater than ours. In the temporal kingdom, we do not make our case by merely quoting Bible verses for support. In a pluralistic society, we need to commend biblical values in an informed and winsome manner for the common good of all citizens. Luther made an important distinction between a person and her office in keeping with the law/gospel distinction. For example, a Christian individual generally follows the Sermon on the Mount by forgiving those who wrong her. But if she holds a public office as a judge, then she will have to sentence a convicted criminal out of love for the wider community. In her ‘official’ capacity, she carries out the mandate given to the state as part of her vocation (the law) even though personally, she does not seek revenge but forgives her enemies (the gospel).

Thirdly, the ‘two kingdoms’ model clarifies that the main mandate of the church is to proclaim the gospel in word and deed. The redemptive kingdom is uniquely established through faithful ministry of the Word and the sacraments. It should not be reduced to a passing ideological fad. While the church has an active and prophetic role in society, her primary mission is not in the realm of law and politics. Preachers should not be expected to pontificate on party affiliations, voting strategies and details of public policy from the pulpit. Believers may legitimately disagree about how to prioritize issues such as cost of living, road congestion, taxes, tolls and economic stability when casting their votes.

The real challenge comes when we consider public policies which involve moral issues that are addressed by Scripture such as corruption. In VanDrunen’s judgment, the church must teach “all that the Scripture says about such topics as moral issues but should be silent about such topics as concrete political or public policy issues.” For example, the Bible is clear that stealing and oppressing the poor are grievous sins before God. When the preacher speaks out against such practices, it would have concrete political implications. But believers must make discretionary judgments in order to decide how to apply the clear teaching of Scripture to our particular situation. Some Christians may refuse to vote for Barisan Nasional because of public scandals involving government officials. Other believers may decide to vote for the ruling coalition. Perhaps, there is no viable alternative on the ballot. Perhaps, they discern a more effective approach to reform from within instead of a change in administration. Their different judgments on how to combat corruption stem from the same commitment to biblical teaching. One approach may be definitely wiser than the other, but Scripture itself does not promote one side over the other as the Christian position. Neither should we.

Concluding Remarks

Although there are precious insights to be gleaned from the ‘two kingdoms’ model, critics have also pointed out that it underestimates the impact of sin on society and put too much trust in common grace to uphold the ‘secular’ function of the state. Our socio-political structures are often not innocently neutral, but institutional embodiments of our corporate idols – be it economic prosperity, ethnic supremacy or military strength. These worldviews need to be challenged by the gospel of Christ’s kingdom. For example, the ‘two kingdoms’ model was sometimes blamed for a form of social quietism amongst German Lutherans that allowed the Nazi movement to rise unchallenged in the 1930s.

Yes, the Bible is not a comprehensive handbook for everything, but it does speak powerfully on a wide range of economic, cultural and socio-political issues. Racial reconciliation is a profoundly difficult and urgent task that confronts our nation after the 13^th general election. It presents the diverse Christian community in Malaysia with an opportunity to demonstrate how the gospel transcends ethnic barriers the way it did for the early church (Acts 13). Theologian Peter Rowans wrote, “In Malaysia, the church has the task of not only proclaiming the message of reconciliation to all Malaysians, but of embodying the concrete implications of that message in its community life, so that Malaysians of all races and sections of the community can look at a local church and see the gospel fleshed out in a racially reconciled group of people who can work, worship and witness together.” Perhaps the most politically significant action we can take is to be true to who are – as God’s reconciled and reconciling community bearing witness to the Lordship of Christ in all of life by overcoming sectarian hatred and ethnic distrust.

1. For more details, see Vaughan Roberts’ “God’s Big Picture” and Graeme Goldsworthy’s “Gospel and Kingdom”

2. Reconciliation is a central theme in theology of mission. Check out Peter Rowans’ “Proclaiming the Peacemaker: The Malaysian church as agent of reconciliation in a multicultural society”.   

Answering Tough Questions of Christianity (USM Kubang Kerian)

  Giving An Answer To Those Who Ask

Flew to Kota Bahru on 16 April to discuss apologetic and handling some questions from the student fellowship at Universiti Sains Malaysia, Kubang Kerian. I was inspired by many first time voters raring to go home for General Election 2013, a group of dedicated teacher advisors who pour their lives to guide these medical/sports science/dentistry/nursing students and engaging conversations with their questions and comments. Hope that the Kairos magazines would also help them to think after God's thoughts after Him as they pursue their respective disciplines of study/research/work... 

The Meaning of Easter

The Scripture passage today is taken from Luke 24:36-48 where Jesus appears to the Disciples after being raised from the grave, into everlasting life.

³⁶ While they were still talking about this, Jesus himself stood among them and said to them, “Peace be with you.” ³⁷ They were startled and frightened, thinking they saw a ghost. ³⁸ He said to them, “Why are you troubled, and why do doubts rise in your minds? ³⁹ Look at my hands and my feet. It is I myself! Touch me and see; a ghost does not have flesh and bones, as you see I have.”

⁴⁰ When he had said this, he showed them his hands and feet. ⁴¹ And while they still did not believe it because of joy and amazement, he asked them, “Do you have anything here to eat?” ⁴² They gave him a piece of broiled fish, ⁴³ and he took it and ate it in their presence.

⁴⁴ He said to them, “This is what I told you while I was still with you: Everything must be fulfilled that is written about me in the Law of Moses, the Prophets and the Psalms.”45 Then he opened their minds so they could understand the Scriptures. ⁴⁶ He told them, “This is what is written: The Messiah will suffer and rise from the dead on the third day, ⁴⁷ and repentance for the forgiveness of sins will be preached in his name to all nations, beginning at Jerusalem. ⁴⁸ You are witnesses of these things. 

There is a funny scene from the movie Pirates of the Caribbean where a bunch of ghost pirates forgot that they were dead and were happily drinking beer and eating food on the ship. But since these ghosts were half-skeletons and badly decomposing, everything (all the beer, meat and fruits) went through their mouth and straight down on the floor, making a total mess everywhere.

Now that scene helps me to understand the point of that Scripture passage we read just now. The tomb was empty! Jesus has risen from the grave.

But the disciples were surprised with fear and doubt (This is too good to be true, isn't it?) the best theory they could come up with was that they have seen a ghost! So Jesus has to show them His very physical hands and His physical feet: “It’s me! It's me! Touch me and see; a ghost does not have flesh and bones, okay…”

But still they were stoned. So Jesus had to give them the ultimate proof.

“Sigh.... You’ve got anything here to eat?” They gave him a broiled fish.

And so the risen Lord of the universe munched down that ikan bakar before their very eyes. It shows that His new body is capable of swallowing food neatly unlike those messy ghosts we find in the movies.

This is no ghost. He is back – with muscles, tendons, bones and a functioning stomach. This is tangible, physical resurrection.

All over the world, Christians celebrate the resurrection of Jesus on Easter Sunday. That He is alive forever. But what do we mean by that?

Just earlier this month, the President of Venezuela died of cancer. And his supporters gathered around his coffin, and chanted, “Hugo Chavez will live in us forever. He is not dead. He has sowed something in us and that way he will live.” Well, yes, Jesus’ example has inspired millions of lives and His teachings have shaped human civilizations but that’s not what we mean by the resurrection. Jesus Himself took great care to show His disciples that this is not just a pious illusion or pie in the sky, but something physical grounded in reality. In space, time and history. It’s something open to public investigation and rational inquiry. Even until today, tons of serious research papers in top universities are still written to explain: Why is the tomb of Jesus empty 3 days after his crucifixion? And why a bunch of simple fishermen started a Kingdom movement that changed the world?

These are historical events that require an explanation. It’s not just a “take it or leave it” kind of faith. It’s based on evidence that you can explore and verify.

I've had some conversations with people who seriously looked at what historians can tell us about Jesus. And it's interesting to find even skeptical scholars conclude that Jesus' disciples had some kind of resurrection experience as a matter of fact, but they do not know what is the reality behind those experience. The historians could only lead us so far, but they cannot take us any further.

For Christians, we know that the resurrection event alone can explain both the empty tomb as well as the new found faith of the disciples from the depths of despair.    

The resurrection means that there is hope for our personal future and hope for the future of this world. It means Death is not the final destination. Today we see a lot of pain, suffering, violence and corruption. Often we see the bad guys win and the good guys lose. And we struggle with the question of whether evil that appears so powerful can ever be defeated.

But the resurrection means that what God has done in Christ on Easter morning is a down payment of what He would do on a bigger scale for the entire creation… and for us as individuals. This world we live in will be renewed, transformed and restored. For those who are reconciled with God through faith and repentance, their bodies will also be raised to eternal life. Easter is a promise of a new world where there will be no more sorrow, sickness or decay for God will wipe away every tear and restore all that is good.

 

Today marks the end of Lent season of fasting, prayer and giving up things; and it is the beginning of Easter season that lasts for fifty days until Pentecost. If Lent is a time to give things up; Easter ought to be a time to take things up. If Lent is a season to let go of old habits, sins and attitudes, what are the new and wholesome things we should pick up for Easter season? Now, how would that look like?

Perhaps it could mean simple things like signing up for a new project that gets our hands

dirty conserving the environment. Or maybe, getting involved in caring for the poor and

the sick around us? Ever thought of spending some time and energy on a worthy social

cause that promotes fairness and peace in our country?

Surely the surprising reality of Easter Sunday ought to empower us to be witnesses of

Christ’s death and resurrection the way it did for the early disciples.

Resurrection power is lived out in down-to-earth realities, grounded in the real world where we do business, as we cook in the kitchen, when we play with our children, study in schools, draw a painting, love and be loved, infusing everyday life with fresh spirituality and power.

Perhaps Easter should be a season of celebrating the newness of life, the goodness of creation and the hope of future glory in Christ.

Presbyterian Training Institute

Presbyterian Training Institute Objective: Establishing our youths in the faith through providing a firmer grounding in biblical and theological framework, and in relating their faith to ministry and life.

Theme verse:  Colossians 1:23 “continue in the faith, stable and steadfast, not shifting from the hope of the gospel that you heard, which has been proclaimed in all creation under heaven”

  Giving An Answer To Those Who Ask by   Dave

23 -24 February: Conducted two sessions on pluralism and being an 'ambassador for Christ' with the group of bright youths from Pontian, Port Dickson and Kluang. I enjoyed the questions that were posed. SOme highlights: Kai Sheng drew a picture that depicts how religion both unites/divides people in Malaysia, Yennie was reading Sam Harris' Freewill and puzzled over predestination, Abel role-played on questions that expose the logical inconsistency of relativism, Jezebelle showed how gospel witness should be motivated by love rather than guilt. Love the mental pictures they drew on the board and the sofa/library setting was conducive for conversations. 

Look forward to the future sessions in March. After evaluating the interests of the group, I plan to prepare some discussions on how to evaluating truth claims and some comparative studies on Islam/Buddhism. 

Date: 16 - 17 March

Venue: CDPC Puchong

Time: 2.00 - 4.30 pm

Project Barnabas

The Dance Of Marriage

Sermon audio may be downloaded here

Ephesians 5:21 – 32

²¹ Submit to one another out of reverence for Christ.

²² Wives, submit yourselves to your own husbands as you do to the Lord. ²³ For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, his body, of which he is the Savior. ²⁴ Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit to their husbands in everything.

²⁵ Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her ²⁶ to make her holy, cleansing her by the washing with water through the word, ²⁷ and to present her to himself as a radiant church, without stain or wrinkle or any other blemish, but holy and blameless. ²⁸ In this same way, husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself.²⁹ After all, no one ever hated their own body, but they feed and care for their body, just as Christ does the church— ³⁰ for we are members of his body. ³¹ “For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh.” ³² This is a profound mystery—but I am talking about Christ and the church. ³³ However, each one of you also must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband.

The Bible begins with a wedding in the Garden of Eden (with the creation of Adam and Eve in the likeness of God as husband/wife). And the Bible ends with a wedding feast (the union of Christ and His church) at the new heaven and new earth. In between and throughout the Bible, the covenant relationship between Christ and His people is described as a marriage. So, when God’s people sin, the Bible doesn’t just say they’ve been ‘disobedient’ – it says they’ve been ‘unfaithful’. And when God’s people worship false gods, the Bible doesn’t just call them ‘idolatrous’ – it calls them ‘adulterous’. Why? Because the Lord is a husband, who has entered into an eternal, committed covenant relationship with any of us who will trust Him… We now belong to each other. This covenant love is the reason behind everything that happens in heaven and on earth. It is also the reason why CDPC is focusing on building strong families (and healthy marriages) in year 2013. In some profound, mysterious ways, our relationship with our spouse echoes God’s design for marriage in creation and God’s plan in redemption.

But everywhere we turn today it seems that the institution of marriage is in deep trouble. Some activists are pushing to legalize same sex marriages at a time when lots of young people no longer believe that marriage is a desirable arrangement – “I don’t need a piece of paper to love someone”. Living together without long term commitment is very common. Broken marriages carry lots of pain and hurt for all involved – both adults and children. The destructive effect of sin could also be seen within marriages. Husbands can be chauvinistic, abusive and emotionally neglect their wives to climb the corporate ladder. Wives can be overly dependent, sexually manipulative and nag their passive husbands into submission. As a result, we have serious confusion about what it means to be a husband or wife when our daughters need a clear model of what it means to be feminine and our sons need a positive vision of what it means to be masculine.

This is an opportunity for the Kingdom community of Jesus as a whole is to live out a different kind of marriage life, and to mirror another culture in our gender relationships. A culture of forgiveness, repentance and change in the midst of this brokenness… In the midst of widespread confusion, we desperately need to recover a biblical, gospel-centered vision of marriage as revealed in Ephesians 5.

Some of us in CDPC may still remember the wedding of Ken and Shirene by the beach in Penang a few years back. They are now studying in Australia to be environmentalists, learning of ways to best care for God’s creation. It was memorable because the couple started their wedding by enacting their story with God and with each other through Latin dance. They were two strong individuals and their shared passion in salsa was an ideal medium to share their stormy journey and happy destination. There was even a risky move in which Shirene trustingly fell backwards and Ken literally “saved her neck”. 

Rev Wong preached from this same passage on that day. And he observed that in Latin dance, the man is expected to lead and the woman responds best to a partner that she trusts and respects. It was a beautiful picture of the mutually enriching roles of man and woman in marriage. In his e-commentary, Pastor Soo Inn also noted that both man and woman are led by the music. The man's leadership in dancing is to help both him and his partner respond best to the music. In one sense it is the music that leads.

So marriage is like a dance. There is unity in that both man and woman move to the same rhythm and mutually help each other to follow the Divine Music. They keep in step with each other and share a common goal. Otherwise they would step on each other’s toes. Marriage is also like a dance in that both man and woman complement each other in their different roles. Sometimes, the lady would leap into the air and the man would catch her as she lands. It’s beautiful when each knows his or her unique role. So far, I haven’t seen a dance in which the guy leaps into the air, waiting for the lady to catch him. It would look a bit odd, right? In short, there is unity in diversity in the dance of marriage.

1)      Unity in Marriage (What does it mean to be one in marriage?)

2)      Diversity in Marriage (How can we celebrate our differences and complement each other in marriage?)

3)      Practical Applications (How do we practically help each other to dance with God’s music?)

Unity in Marriage

From the Ephesians passage just now, we see that the covenant between Christ and His people (the church) is the model, the pattern for our own marriage. Our marriage is a visual aid that points us to the real thing: Christ’s love for His people. So how a husband and wife should relate to each other cannot be separated from the question of how we both are to relate to God. For those among us who are single, perhaps we can gain some insights into the essence of marriage, how to go about discerning future partners and start learning some of these relationship dynamics. Come Chinese New Year, aunties may press you with questions like “Got boyfriend, ah? When are you getting married and start giving ang pow?” The only thing more important to most Asian parents than their precious children getting married is having grandchildren. But the Christian faith sees singleness as good because the kingdom of God provides the most lasting possible legacy and spiritual descendants through the gospel. Unlike Western society that is obsessed with romance and sex, we see singleness as good because our union with Christ can fulfill our deepest longings. Hopefully, there’s something here for you singles to prepare for marriage or decide if this is really something for you.

So what is marriage, anyway?

In His covenant with us, God says: “I will be your God and you will be my people. I will never leave you nor forsake you”. Marriage is also a covenant when we say to our spouse: “I will be your husband and you will be my wife. I will never leave you nor forsake you. All that I am I give to you, and all that I have I share with you.” It is something exclusive between a man and a woman and permanent for life. It is not a contract. In a contract, we say: “This is my part of the deal, I will do this and you will do that and if you do not do your part, the deal is off.” A contract is basically an agreement between two people for the purpose of protecting their rights and limiting their responsibilities. A covenant is an unconditional laying down of our rights, giving up our own agendas for the good of the other, for the happiness of the family before God.

For a Christian marriage, this covenant is made by three (not two) parties: the husband, the wife and God Himself. So before getting into any fights about ‘who’s the boss?’ in a marriage; let’s start by saying that God is the boss of our marriage. He composes the divine music that leads our dance. First of all, the basis of our unity is: We must submit to one another out of reverence for Christ (verse 21). 

Mutual submission means: husbands also need to submit to their wives just as Christ submitted Himself to suffering and death for the good of the church. The motivation for this mutual submission is out of “reverence for Christ” (5:21). “Reverence for Christ” means that we do not just blindly follow even when it means doing something contrary to Christ’s authority… To submit doesn’t mean you are inferior to the other person either. No, Christ is equal to God the Father in dignity and worth, but He willingly chose to say: “Not My will but Yours be done.” He joyfully subjects Himself and subordinates Himself to the Father. This voluntary yielding to others in love is a mark of the Christian community because we want to honor and respect Christ who is our Lord and Savior. He came to serve and not to be served. In the same way, mutual submission is a sign of obedience and reverence to Christ. It should not be seen as a sign of weakness.

In the days of the apostle Paul as well in some traditional societies today, women were not granted full status as human persons. A Jewish man would wake up in the morning and pray: “Thank you, God, that I am not a slave, Gentile or woman”. The ancient pagan Greeks thought that only males are created directly by the gods and are given souls. If they don’t live properly, they reincarnate in the next life as women. But the Christian faith radically changes all that. In Christ, there is neither male nor female. 

The gospel subverts man-dominated systems by insisting that both female and male were made in the image of God. Therefore both are equal in dignity and intrinsic worth. Both woman and man deserve equal respect and honor. And this is rooted not in modern cultural norms but in the original design of the Creator. Matthew Henry commented about why God made Eve out of a rib from Adam like this: “She is not made out of his head to rule over him, nor out of his feet to be trampled upon by him, but out of his side to be equal with him, under his arm to be protected, and near his heart to be loved.” You don’t find anything more romantic than that in a theological commentary…

Which brings us back to the unity of marriage: The Bible says that husbands and wives are “one flesh”, they share the same body: “For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh.” In v28, Paul says that husbands and wives are as integrated as a head is to a body. That’s unity. The two have become one. The implication is: you cannot pursue your own separate agendas anymore. If you do, you will only cause harm. If a head goes off in the opposite direction from the body – both will be unhappy – because they’re one. A head can’t be happy if the body is hurting and a body can’t be happy if the head’s hurting.

A few months into my marriage, this reality still hasn’t hit home. I thought that I could play computer games (Starcraft II) late into the night while Grace was sleeping in another room. As a single, nobody cares what time I go to bed. I thought my computer games had nothing to do with her sleep… You do your own thing and I do mine. Only then did I realize that after marriage, you could not now tell where she ended and where I began. We are now one. My life is now forever bound up with another person. “She is now the bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh!”

From now on, after marriage, we must pursue our joy in the joy of each other. I must seek my pleasure in the pleasure of my wife. John Piper says: “If you live for your private pleasure at the expense of your spouse, you are living against yourself and destroying your own highest joy. But if you devote yourself with all your heart to the holy joy of your spouse, you will also be living for your joy and making a marriage after the image of Christ and his church." So that’s unity in marriage… The man becomes independent of his parents and the woman becomes united with him so that they become one flesh. If you really understand that, then you cannot pursue your own individual fulfillment apart from the other. Your happiness is now in the other person. You have no joy now if it’s not a corporate joy. So work hard for your happiness by serving each other like crazy.

It also means that the essence of marriage is a commitment and a promise… that no matter what happens in life, for better or for worse, for richer or poorer, in sickness and in health, when you feel romantic attraction or not, through the years when you both will go through all sorts of changes, one thing remains: that you will be true to each other. That is the context that real intimacy, forgiveness, tenderness and spiritual growth can take place.

Diversity in Marriage

Now, is there any difference in our roles or callings or primary responsibilities as husbands and wives? Husbands and wives are both equals in marriage, but they are not exactly the same. Physically they are different, that’s obvious. But is there a difference of maleness and femaleness in our souls? Is the way we see things, the way we think and solve problems different? Diversity means that the music of our marriage should not be merely the sound of singing the same tune. It should be the combined sound of soprano and bass, alto and tenor. It means that the differences of maleness and femaleness are respected and affirmed and valued. We don’t try to compete or duplicate each other. Rather, we enrich each other with our unique qualities.

Scripture says: Wives are to submit to their husbands just as the church submits to Christ. And husbands are to love their wives just as Christ loves the church. Does that mean that husbands don’t need to submit and wives don’t need to love their husbands? Of course not! But there is a primary responsibility and unique, complementary gift that each of us brings into that dance. Some may ask: “Isn’t this just a cultural household code that the apostle Paul adopts rather than a timeless truth for everyone? After all, we now live in a modern world where this kind of traditional role is outdated”. Well, the Bible never gives specific instructions that husbands should go out to work and wives stay at home. Or wives should do the dishes and husbands are responsible to take out the cockroach... You don’t find any of specific lists of do’s and don’ts like that. Proverbs 31 even describes an ideal wife who works in real estate, investment, trading and takes care of her family. And do you know that Jesus can cook? You didn’t know that ler… (Read John 21) So we should not confuse what Paul says here with stereotypes that are culture-specific. Like men should be Rambo and women should be like Cinderella.

Having said that, it also appears that Paul’s instruction on marriage points to creation and redemption, rather than any specific culture. The key is to remember that the relationship between Christ and the church is the pattern for the relationship between husband and wife. Are Christ and the church mutually submitted? Yes, they are. But submission doesn’t mean that Christ submits to the authority of the church. Christ submits Himself to suffer and die for the good of the church. The church doesn’t die in the place of Christ, but she gladly submits by affirming His authority and following His lead. So mutual submission does not mean submitting to each other in the exact same way… There is diversity of roles in the relationship.

Similarly, the husband’s role is to take the initiative in sacrificial, loving, servant-leadership to protect and to provide while the wife’s role is to shape, affirm, encourage and nurture that leadership. Submission is her distinct calling and unique strength to help carry through his guidance according to her gifts. And we need each other’s unique gifts and strengths to complement each other. It is not a domineering headship nor is it mindless submission. What does ‘head’ mean? Well, it refers to two ideas:

1) To be ‘head’ is to be the “source” of the body. The body gets nourishment from the head (verse 29). The mouth is in the head so nourishment comes through the mouth to the body. The body also gets guidance and protection from the eyes and ears in the head. The husband is to be a source of provision, protection and guidance to the wife.

2) “Head” also implies authority. For example, we speak of the ‘head of this department’. It doesn’t mean dictatorship. It is to be exercised in Christ-like, servant leadership. Not power over, control over. But authority exercised to serve, to love and to sacrifice for the spouse. Obviously husband and wife (as one flesh) need to have conversations, planning things together in decision making. But what if you can’t agree? Don’t make a decision lor… But what if a decision has to be made? Like, where to send your child to school? You cannot afford not to make a decision and let the child stay at home. In those few, rare cases of a real impasse, let the husband accept the burden of making the final choice… even though he may, very often, choose to surrender his own preference to his wife’s where no moral issue is at stake.

There’s a classic case of a pastor who felt called to plant a church in New York but his wife refused to go. It’s too risky. It’s against her ‘nesting instincts’. So the husband (Tim Keller, by the way) said, “Alright if you don’t want to go, then we won’t go. I’m not going to force you”. But then Kathy, his wife, turned around and said: “Hey, wait a minute… What are you doing? You just let me break the tie. What’s the use of you being the man around here? If you see God calling you to do that, for God’s sake, then be a man. Break the tie.” The husband doesn’t want to take the responsibility to lead. Submission takes a lot of strength and courage. It’s not for the weak. But by deferring to him, in a most feminine way, when she says: “I will support you no matter what and I will not say “I told you so” no matter what happens” she is enabling him to do the most masculine thing he has ever done. Both are submitting to their role in the dance of marriage.  

Ok, so there’s unity and diversity in marriage… now how does that cash out practically? How do we play our part in the dance of marriage?

Well, brothers, we have a huge responsibility on our shoulders. Headship is not a privileged position of control. It is a responsibility to serve our family and lead by example. If the family bought too many things on credit, then the financial debt is ultimately our fault. If the family never reads the Bible or seldom seeks the kingdom of God, God holds us accountable. The ‘head’ must answer first. Scary huh? Sometimes, it can be so intimidating that we would often rather run away from it. But if we feel inadequate or overwhelmed, the good news is we can run to God. Our sense of helplessness can drive us to draw near and find resources from God. We need wisdom – that means we need to take God’s word more seriously than ever before. We need grace and divine strength – so we need to humble ourselves and take our prayer life more seriously than we do. We make mistakes and mess up a lot of the times – we need forgiveness, repentance and the righteousness of Christ. Marriage is a powerful means of grace to help us grow into spiritual maturity and apply the gospel in everyday life.

How do we love the woman in our life? Look at Jesus. He loved the Church and gave Himself up for her. He sacrificed Himself in her place even when she is still a sinner. Jesus gave up His rights, His resources, His freedom, His life for the sake of His Bride. And because of this self-giving love, Jesus has created a people who are radiant, without stain or wrinkle or any other blemish, but holy and blameless. So husbands, you are not to love your wives just because she’s beautiful (though she is) – you are to love her in order to make her beautiful. When there is cold silence after a fight, like the way Christ loved the church, we need to die to our ego and take the first step towards reconciliation. The first step is the most painful, right? In a conflict, we are to take the initiative even when she is wrong or unlovely to bring reconciliation.

Wives – would you be happy to respect this kind of servant leadership? Sisters, when you see your husband doing his best in this role, would you use your nurturing strength, use your feminine gifts to affirm, shape, support and share in that leadership? Won’t you feel glad that he is not passive? Would you feel yourself honored and freed and secure by his caring strength? Won’t you respect him for that?

That is a profound mystery. When we do that, we get in touch with a deep part of our souls as male and female. When we do that, we imitate the dance of God in creation and the dance of Christ and His church in redemption.

Credit goes to insights from Ps Wong/Ps Soo Inn. 

Les Miserables

On 11 January 2013, the world's longest-running musical Les Misérables brings its power to the big screen with the sweeping and spectacular cinematic interpretation of Victor Hugo's epic tale. In this stunning motion-picture adaptation the much-loved songs – including 'I Dreamed a Dream', 'Bring Him Home', 'One Day More' and 'On My Own' – will be brought to a new audience by the film's international superstars including Hugh Jackman, Anne Hathaway, Russell Crowe and Amanda Seyfried.

Damaris is delighted to provide free resources for a wide range of community groups, all built around clips from the film. 

Download the leader's guide and group discussion questions from Damaris

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